I’ve decided to set a new goal for myself. My goal is to think more about how I look on the inside than how I look on the outside. When I think about how my day unfolds, I realize each opportunity I have to think about my appearance. I don’t mean this in a vain, self-obsessed way, just the little interactions that add up. When I get dressed and pick out my outfit each day, each time I go to the restroom and catch a glance at myself in the mirror, when I’m scrolling through social media and begin to compare my body to the girls’ of those on the screen — there are a lot of opportunities to think about my appearance. Some days I feel great in my body; I feel strong and secure, and proud. On other days, no clothing item seems to look right on me, I feel bloated and frumpy, and can rattle off a list of things that I don’t like about my appearance.
I know that everyone has these days, but I don’t want to succumb to the “everyone feels like that” trap. I want to actively create a shift in my mindset. I want to reach a level of self-awareness where I can identify those moments of negative self-talk and nip them in the bud. I’m currently at a place where I can go down a rabbit hole pretty quickly — noticing that I’m bloated turns into noticing that I have a pimple, which turns into thinking that my thighs look big in my pants. That’s just an example — I don’t struggle with an eating disorder, or self-hate, but I’m tired of spending precious moments criticizing things that simply don’t matter.
Over the past few weeks, I started reading this devotional each morning. It’s created such a beautiful shift in my perspective. It challenges me to think differently. Every morning, it brings my focus onto how I can be a more loving person. Not thinner, not prettier or more toned, but kinder, more giving and understanding. It starts my day from a place of love — for God, myself and others. Each short passage is a gentle reminder to keep my focus on things that are worthy of my attention and in alignment with God’s grace. Why would I focus on something so trivial as my appearance when I could be focusing on things that are good and kind and worthy of my attention? I want to live in a space of gratitude and joy. I want to focus on all that I can offer instead of all that I am not. I want to focus on being kinder and to practice patience (something I really struggle with), and smile more.
There are so many moments in a day, so many opportunities to show love and gratitude. I want love to grow in me and I want to give it out more freely. I don’t want to be shy in extending kindness, grace and empathy. I want to free my tight grasp on the external world, creating the space I need to open my palms to all of the love and beauty around me. I know it won’t be easy. I know there will be constant reminders that pull my attention to external distractions and comparisons. But I also know it will get easier each day. When we begin to shift our minds we can shift our entire lives.
Now is the time for me to make that shift. Instead of seeking ways to make myself fit into society’s mold of pretty, I want to find beauty within. Seeing each moment as an opportunity to extend love is much worthier of my time. I’m so ready for this journey.
Sending you love,
Morgan